Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
