he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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