It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
