I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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