i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
