have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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