Its about making memories worth repressing
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
