I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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