i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
