oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
