I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
