I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
