can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
