he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
