how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
