It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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