somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
