so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
