I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
