dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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