Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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