why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
