nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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