so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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