STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
