every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
