i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You left your phone here
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