Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
