cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
