There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
