it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
