Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
