it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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