so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
