Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
