Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
