cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
