Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
