Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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