I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
