Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
