Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
