my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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