your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
