I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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