I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
