My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
