Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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