i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
