If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
