ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
