By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
