please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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