Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
