maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize