i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
