I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
