we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
