Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
