She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
