u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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