yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
