Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
