Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
