Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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