These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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