Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
