If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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