You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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