Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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