yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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